Sell your soul to me? Uh, it’s already sold my friend

Ask Satan

I received a question today, my servants.  Bear with me as I transmit my answer here, as well as on the Ask Satan page.  I appreciate your questions and hope that my answers serve merely to entertain you and serve no purpose in leading you astray from my kingdom.  Enjoy

Question: Here is the question, exactly as it came into my office today:

Simon Says:
February 22, 2011 at 8:40 am  
Dear Satan I have been worshiping you for about 17 years now, now the internet is here there are other websites letting you sell your soul online, I want to know is are any of them true? If not how do I go about selling my soul to you? Can you manifeast in front of me or in my bedroom, I am not asking for much for my soul anyhow could you answer me.
Thanks S

Answer:

Simon . . . Simon . . . that name rings a bell . . .

Ah! Now I remember–different Simon, I’m sure.

But to work: thank you Simon, my servant, for your email; I’m delighted to answer your question because I have good news.

No, not that Good News, silly Simon, my good news.  You are right, my friend that there are online sites purporting to provide an opportunity to sell your soul to me.  See, here and here, for example. 

Now here’s my good news: While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

Do you see how easy that is, Simon?  You are already mine by virtue of being an unregenerated human being!  You see, my friend, sin entered the world through one man, and death though sin, and in this way death came to all men.  You were born a sinner in my kingdom, Simon.  And, unless you yield to Christ, you will die a sinner in my kingdom.

So relax!  There is no need for me to manifest myself to you any differently than I already do; just resist the pull of that unconditional compassion that manifests itself before you as hints to your soul of a better way.   Besides, I already manifest myself to the world through lies, distortions, deceit and destruction.  Look around you, Simon, I am manifested in a fallen world that loves a lie and hates God’s righteousness.

If you insist, here is one thing you can do.  Turn on your television to prime-time network or popular cable programming.  There I manifest myself in TV shows full of sexual innuendo, irreverent humor, blasphemous language, and generally crass and crude story lines.  And on most nighttime television you are sure to get an eyeful of my court-sanctioned artwork.  You know the kind of art I’m talking about, right Simon?

Enjoy.

If you get bored with the art world of soft porn on television, do what over half the men in the world secretly (they think) do and take a long, lustful peek at some masterpieces of hard porn on the internet. 

You see, Simon, I take advantage of every opportunity to manifest myself to you through what you put before your eyes and ears.  All you see and hear goes straight to your heart to make you into a big strong tree bearing my fruit. 

Now, Simon, on the off-chance that you are very serious, please listen to me.  Whatever you do, do not stop worshipping me by believing in Jesus Christ as crucified and raised from the dead.  Whatever you do, do not yield to the gospel of Christ who is the image of God, and in whose blood lies victory over my complete control in your life.  If you wish to continue to worship me, you must not lend one eye or ear to the Bible such that the eyes of your heart would be enlightened that you might know the hope to which Christ has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power to those who believe.

Got it, Simon?  In short, stay away from the Gospel, for it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.

Yes, Simon, stick with me, my friend.  Make sure your eyes and ears yield to my delights, and not the Bible, such as in John 3:16, John 8:32, or John 14:6

Sorry that you will not get any financial benefit out of my ownership of your soul, but surely you have some money nonetheless.  And with that you can still please me.  Go and do what most Christians do with their money:  spend it on some little diversion, some selfish desire, or some other temporal delight indulged for their own pleasure.

Ah, life is good.

86 Responses to “Sell your soul to me? Uh, it’s already sold my friend”

  1. i wish i can be a vampire

  2. i wish i can be vampier and see hell right now

  3. Those that ignore the gospel or cast it off as nonsense because they beleive it to be beneath their intelligent minds, are a sad case. There is no understanding or meaningful truth in atheism.

  4. Javon Johnston Says:

    Dear Satan, is that really you on the internet? Or are is that just a person pretending to be Satan. If so, I need you to grant my wish. Is that alright with you? Can you please email me a picture of yourself. I selled my soul to you did you get it? How old are you? Can I sell my soul to you many times. Are ou sure I can’t get my soul back.

    • Anonymous Says:

      Pssssst…. you can get your soul back! But you can’t do it on your own; you need someone else to help you! Fortunately for you, Someone took the stage and got punished for you mistakes in this life. By joining Him, you can get your soul back, for eternity! If you want to know all about this, you should read the Bible ( I suggest you start at Matthew, Mark, Luke or John). But don’t tell Satan you know about this! And remember, you heard nothing from me right? Now hurry, before you die, or Satan will have your soul, forever!

      • Javon Johnston Says:

        TELL ME SOMETHING, WILL SATAN GIVE ME A PENCIL THAT CAN MAKE EVERYTHING THAT I DRAW WITH IT REAL IF I SELL MY SOUL TO HIM? IF SO, HOW DO I GO ABOUT DOING IT?

        • Anonymous Says:

          He won’t.

        • First I should give you a pencil that will teach you to read, my friend. I’ll make it simple: You can’t sell me your soul; I already own it.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          WELL, IF YOU ALREADY OWN MY SOUL THEN WHY DON’T YOU JUST GIVE ME THE PENCIL! Oh wait a minute this is fake! The devil is not reallly on the internet and you can’t selll your soul to him online!

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          Well if you already own my soul, just give me the pencil dummy!

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          I want that pencil!!!!!!!!!!

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          Alright Satan, if that is really you then you should be able to tell me all about myself. Cause the bible says that you know all about everyone! I’m no christain I heard someone say that.

        • It’s really me, and I can tell you all about yourself. Here’s what I know about you: you are a sinner, lost and without hope in this world. If you don’t avail yourself of a waiting and eager redeemer (blechhh!), you will continue living a life of quiet desparation in this world, and eventually die in your sins to an eternal damnation in Hell. You go through the day thinking there must be more, and quietly agonize over your inability to find true happiness. You look for happiness in different places, but you are always disappointed as each thing you try leaves you feeling more empty than the thing before. That’s who you are. I know it. I hope it never changes. I hope you never find the redeemer by reading the Bible, such as the Gospel of John.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          FOR ME TO KNOW THAT IT’S REALLY YOU SATAN TELL ME HOW OLD I AM AND TELL ME MY MOTHER’S NAME, AND MY FATHER’S NAME.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          WELL, SATAN CAN I MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU. AND THEN YOU GIVE ME WHAT.
          I WRITE OUT CONTRACT, MAIL IT TO YOU, AND THEN YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT.

          C’mon man! You asked Jesus to worship then you would give him all these things when he was in the wilderness (he rejected it) why can’t you do the same with me?!

        • Oh my my. The difference my friend is that Jesus was not mine when he was on earth; I tried to take him captive by trickery through temptation. But I already have your soul. You are a slave to my ways; I owe you nothing, and you can give me nothing more than I already have. Sorry.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          FUC* YOU!!!!! I hate you! But, you are not the real Satan! You are just a person! DEVILBLOGGER IS A FAKE!!!!!!!!

        • You are 19, your mother’s name is Helena and your father’s (on earth) name is Leroy. And to prove that I am right, you will lie and deny it.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          Dear devilblogger, you are a phony! You are not the real Satan. You are just a person pretending to be Satan! My real age is 11. And those are not my father and mother’s name! I’m not lying! I’m telling you the truth. So yeah, you suck! I repeat I’M NOT LYING.

        • Javon Johnston Says:

          THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!! YOU ARE NOT THE REAL SATAN. I’M NOT 19 YEARS OLD, AND THOSE ARE NOT MY FATHER’S AND MOTHER’S NAME

    • It’s really me. And you must learn to read. I already own your soul. Someone else paid to redeem it. I can’t help you there. And I hope you don’t find Him.

      • Javon Johnston Says:

        You can’t fool me! Satan is not on the internet! Well, if He already owns my soul then give me a pencil that can make everything that I draw with it real or you could give me something else that is reall cool!!!!

  5. Javon Johnston Says:

    And I know how to read! I’m no dummy!! So cough up that pencil!

  6. nicholas chase Says:

    i want to sell my soul how i doin that now can some one help me

  7. Satan i wanna join you,make md rich and famous.

  8. mazsamem Says:

    Natasha~You want Satan (aka The Father of Lies) to make you rich & famous. Let’s ponder this. You have a computer–or access to one. That means a power source, cuz even wireless requires battery recharging. And either a phone or cable for internet connection. Obviously, you’re also connected to TV, magazines, or some souce of (mis)information that makes you think being “rich and famous” is THE way to go. Seems to me, Natasha, you’re richer than you realize. Did you ever think that even the really crappy houses/apartments in America could seem heavenly? They would for someone who has to drink out of a stagnent puddle, or a filthy stream where someone just emptied their bowels near the bloated corpse of a starved dog. Yeah, compared to that life, you’re way rich! When you go to the fridge or a store for a cold drink and a snack, try thanking God for the riches you DO have. For some reason, God actually enjoys blessing His child even more when that child takes a minute to think of Him with gratitude, or to think of Him at all. As for famous–you already ARE! Why else would I–a total stranger–take my time to reply to you? The devil didn’t lead me to care about you. God did. Do you know God has carved you in the palm of His hand? (That means He intends to hold onto you.) Fame? God created you higher than the angels. In the Lord’s eyes, you’re a megastar. That’s why Satan hates you. That’s why Satan wants you. Forever and ever, he’s been craving your soul. If you hand yourself over to Satan he’ll treat you like a turd in a litterbox. Maybe not at first…but wait till you feel that stinking low. El Diablo will offer a hand, and he’ll push you even lower. Satan shares his lot–in the end–an eternity of pain, regret, eternal separation from ALL that was ever good. Adolph Hitler and Mother Theresa of Calcutta were both very famous. Which one of them do YOU think is happier these days?

  9. I could use some souls. Give me whatever you have in stock.

    • Would love to help you out, but souls come in only two flavors: damned and redeemed. And although I can exert influences over both flavors, I have control over only one. And I give them up to only one.

  10. HAIL SATAN I NEVER WANT MY SOUL ITS YOURS FOREVER INDULGE IN THE FLESH MANIFEST YOURSELF TO MY FLESH AND GIVE ME MY DESIRES Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or
    emotional gratification!

    • There is another thing sin leads to, my friend. Death. And not just the death of the body, but true, eternal, spiritual death. You, fortunately, do not know of what you speak.

      • This “devil” speaks like a priest…or am i wrong?…..he’s actually trying to convince us of the bad thing that sin and Satan mean…but trying to hard,i would say…pointing u to the Bible…don’t waste your time on this site,kids.And,Satan, don’t bother to reply…i won’t be coming here again

  11. Dear Satan
    I was searching all over and over and i can’t find a real website
    could you please help me and my soul is only for you if you make my wish real
    with love….

    • king buzzard, prince vulture Says:

      like my name suggests, i’ve been watching and waiting for a bigger, more powerful predator to come along and claim this prize that you are freely offering. but satan doesnt seem to be biting… that makes you fair game! he may not have time for you, but king buzzad can certaintly dash an appointment here, and change a date there, all for you, and throw in the quite useless love. for free!
      how king buzzard salivates
      satan! i kneel before you! accept my sacrifice?

  12. satan i wanner sell my soul to you for money and fame but i dont know how to do it.please reply

    • king buzzard, prince vulture Says:

      jkl. just keep living. youre most likley doing all you need to ensure your eternal servitude. do you know how many pathetic whiners i’ve seen come here, asking that same damn question? why don’t you seize your destiny without help from another? were i satan, i’d consign your soul to the deepest pit hell had to offer. just saying.

      the time to rise is upon us!

  13. just another way to die Says:

    Mr/Ms.devilblogger your work interests me you think you own my soul? ha! The truth is your attitude is very annoying,you are saying you own everyone? then you might need to put mine in a straight jacket then. I do so enjoy little kitties like you blogging saying you own someone when in truth you don’t own me or anyone(by the way you will NEVER own me) you wanna mess with my asylum of a mind go ahead try and get locked in there…….FOREVER!! ahahahahhahahahhaha, see you there.Stop spreading the lies about stuff you don’t know.

    • You never own your soul–it’s not yours to own. Either I own it (factory default) or God does. If you think you own it, then God doesn’t. Which only leaves one choice, my friend.

    • die for me. AGAIN Says:

      yes. you only have one choice:bow to the guilt- based dogma. or wait until you die, then find out for sure. or give your soul to a human establishment, like satanism, or scientology (snicker).
      what is it with individuals like yourself? you remind me of when i was a pre teen/teen, and very, very stupid. this world is filled with wastrels like you. its high time for a cleansing! expiation! deliver us to evil!

      lord! i kneel before you! now bathe me bloody red

      • Now, of course, you are no longer very, very stupid. :)

        • watched by watchers Says:

          certaintly keen enough to recognize a poorly educated person, full of misguided hatred. yes, i’am smarter than i used to be. wisdom comes from experience, and the application of such knowledge. tell me, morning star, why haven’t YOU learned your lesson yet?

  14. if u are really the devil mention my age, dont waste your time on this page cause GOD is coming in a short time

  15. if u are really satan tell me where i stay

    • hærlêüs déütëüs Says:

      earth? stay your arrogance, child. it will only poison you.

      • GOD OPEN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO ARE BLIND

        • hærlêüs déütëüs Says:

          this applies to you as well, yes? I WANTED TO TYPE THIS IN ALL CAPS BUT I NEARLY DIED FROM LAUGHTER!
          also: GoD iS dEaD

      • Its so sad. I’m not a christian but I believe he exists. In the bible it states that satan exists(you all know the story). I do pray but don’t go to church. Fact of the matter is,God created us with souls and IT IS OURS. He gave us free will to decide what we do with our lives which determines where our souls go. We were born in sin yes,but He died on the cross for Our sins so that we aren’t “automatically damned” and will go to hell. So who are you to say souls are yours automatically. Yes we wander off the path but that doesn’t entitle you to get our souls. You would want as many souls as possible and would do nearly anything to get it so if we sell it,it would be a great opportunity for you to buy our souls. Obviously for earthly things like fame, fortune ect not for a silly pencil or to become immortal. Satan might be mighty but God is allmighty and can conquer all. Ill be honest, I would sell my soul for the right price, voting for God or not and I wouldn’t even back out of the deal

        • hello ad21. i can’t make total sense of your letter. u believe but ur not a christian and don’t go to church. ok, we’re walking in the same shoes so far. i also know we decide ultimately who (which side) will get our souls. yet i also understand what he says by “i own your soul”. if u align with satan, u don’t have to sell him ur soul, he really does already own it. i bound myself to him when i was quite young much to my regret. he almost took my mind over and wanted me to do horrid things. i got away from him, not that long ago. he still pulls on me but i guess when one night i shouted out for help god heard me. satan is not as strong as i gave him credit for. god seems much stronger because all it took was one cry for help in all those years, and satan cowered back. so, here is what i don’t get. why would u want to sell your soul to satan? he’s one hell of a task master, and i mean that literally. and what do u consider “the right price”? i’m just starting to learn about god, so please don’t think i’m a know it all believer who’s here to make fun of u. i was bound by blood sacrifice and rituals to satan and other demons and honestly nothing is worth the things they coerce you to do to degrade urself. there is some other part of this site where i was talking about some things i went thru. i don’t know how to get to that other part, but if u do u can see how i was falling apart. i could barely think some days. i hope u find peace with god since u pray and believe already. u r far ahead of me in learning. but i know first hand that u never ever want to sell ur soul to satan or get involved with demons. they will bring you to ruin so easily. satan can never pay the worth of your soul. peace 2 u.

  16. God Is Alive

    • hærlêüs déütëüs Says:

      maybe. how can you be certain? given the state of our world, perhaps he has become senile, or to be blunt, maybe he just doesn’t give a rat’s ass anymore?

  17. hærlêüs déütëüs Says:

    becatozz- back again? pleased to once again make your aquaintance. here iam, here, and there you are, there. do you know the infernal name “Asmodeus”?
    btw, i feel nothing but for contempt for adi21 man. if he desires servitude, at least let the poor fool “try before he buys”, yeah?

    • good to see u here again, hærlêüs déütëüs. grateful for copy & paste…still can’t decode ur name. haha, guess it doesn’t matter if i can or can’t. well. asmodeus, demon of twisted desires. a biblical demon also from what i’ve read. never met that one personally, but was surely influenced by him. i’ll never know who, i should say what, i was connecting with. legion covers that fairly well. i don’t feel contempt anymore towards people. i, who once looked at others as potential homes for my legion of “friends”. i now look at people with human or maybe humane eyes. they just no longer repulse me. i’m certainly feeling different, and glad for it. guess as long as this site runs, we may continue our friendly encounters. fly anywhere lately? in dreams i mean. see u, hd. be well.

      • hærlêüs déütëüs Says:

        aren’t they all “biblical” demons? and what sort of desires does asmodeus peddle? i must confess, i’m happy for you that you no longer feel contempt for others (though i suspect that may just be the honeymoon phase of your newfound peace. i don’t expect it to last… sorry) there will always be treacherous people in the world, and my contempt for them will likely never run dry.

        to answer your question: why yes! i fly in my dreams all ‘de time. you never?
        quid pro quo; tell me what you know of asmodeus. pretty please?

  18. Kennethmarion Says:

    Hi my name is kennethmarion im 15 and im looking forward to selling my soul and getting sex money and power i kwo im young but im just tired of being depressed i want money to buy my weed and cloths i want power to make people do what i say i want sex from any black girls i like can somone make that happen my number iss 2144061528 texx mee or hmu on facebook kennethmarion14@yahoo.com i wana sell my soul i wanA sell my soul

    • satan iz a cracka Says:

      SIGH…another moron, borderline illiterate to boot. your soul isn’t something you can sell anyhow. even if it was, why should i barter when i can simply take what i want? this isn’t ebay, you know.
      what use do i have of you anyhow? you don’t seem very intelligent, and your soul seems to be headed to us anyway.
      C U on da udder side! i WILL be there to greet u!

  19. Haerleus Deuteus Says:

    if a man trolls on an abandoned blog and there is no one around to read it, does it get published ? HAR DEE HAR! NYUCK NYUCK!

    -H.D.

  20. It is not working there any other easy way

  21. Hello my favorite is addiction to porno to sex , so i like being used like a sex toys , abused at sex , humiliating and all kind of stuffs , I wanna know if satan like self torture and what he does me to do when i’m alone and nakced at home ; I want to please him

  22. Haerleus Deuteus Says:

    ATTENTION! Devilblogger, are you still here? someone (or some “thing”) saw fit to moderate and ultimately remove a comment of mine. i’m not upset, as it was a stupid and intentionally offensive remark. i’am curious however. who is watching satans blog?
    if memory serves, you left this blog in august of last year, and yet, someone is still here.
    will you return? you semi left the door open for this blog to continue in the future. you would be a welcome presence indeed! you see, strange things are happening in the world of haerleus deutus, and i’am seeing the world through new eyes!
    if you read this, will you consider it?

  23. kenneth monquilkmarion Says:

    i wana sell my soul for lust and power and to get sex sex sex from big botyyy girls

  24. kenneth marion Says:

    Im ready to sell my soul for sex lust and lost of power i want santan to guide me

    • dear ken,
      i spent a reasonable amount of time trying to decide if you were mentally handicapped before deciding to offer my help to you. and guess what? i have a solution for you! this is not the first time you’ve begged master for “sex, lust, and lots of power”. my solution is both simple (and elegant, if i may be so bold). are you ready? without much further ado, here it is:

      PRAY AWAY THE GAY!

  25. owiny simon peter Says:

    I am just asking that here in Uganda it is very hard for me to find where the Devil church is,so who can help me find it in Gulu Uganda. Send it to my email inbox.Thanks

  26. Hey how can I see the devil in person to dealing wit him???

  27. Anonymous Says:

    Waist of time

  28. Aupa Michael Mathobisa Says:

    Dear Lucifer
    I recently sold my soul to you in exchange of wealth. I have been trying to get lucky but I could not. Now I had a dream about you but I appear running away. I thought you would give me peace, life, money, lots of millions in rands so I can fullfil my destiny.
    I hope you can answer my prayers

  29. lord dan Says:

    HELLO MY GOOD PEOPLE,are you a Director of any kind of business,business men,an artist or actress,a musician,all kind of worker in an organization also a person with an enterprenioral skills\business idels but no huge amount of money.but YOU WANT TO BE RICH,POPULAR,FAMIOUS,RECONISED, RESPECTFUL,HAVE A FINAL SAY WHICH NORMALLY LEAD TO CONCLUSION IN ANY DECESION MADE.here is your opportunity to shin.JOIN THE SECREAT COURT CALLED ILLUMINATI.this is a place where we normally achived our successs in life.if you are intrested contact us through this email illuminatimoneyfavour@gmail.com i want to let you know to be RICH is very easy,except you want to remain POOR BYE BYE.

  30. Fryderyk Lukasik Says:

    I am willing to offer you my soul for 300 years of living, for making me a great rapper and making me sound similair to eminem when i rap and for being famous and rich, also for respect and a perfect body, also for living 300 years with out health problems and pain, and make me very very rich and happy

  31. michael Says:

    who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is michael i live in chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, okundonorgreatspell, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you. i wish you all the best.

  32. call +263771419500 wanna prayz th devil

  33. Cleopatra Says:

    This is disgusting. I wanted something really blasphemous, and found instead a christard playing as Satan as a mean to promote the hideous death cult known as christianity on me. YUCK!!!

    Hail Satan!

    http://www.churchofsatan.com

  34. casique Says:

    Hi I try sale my soul but the webs side I go true they not working can you help me?

  35. michael Says:

    who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is Michael i live in Chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, okundonorgreatspell, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of dr okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: dr.okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you.

    • becatozz Says:

      stay away from dr. organgrindernomonkey. i mean dr. or-gan-donor-great-spell. BAHAHAHA! brain teaser time… anyway, God blessed you and your wife and children. not dr. hocus pocus. repeat this: “i live for God, who created and cares for me and those i love. i place my trust in God. amen.” hope all stays well michael. avoid the dark side. spiritual light is way better…i know first hand. God bless you and yours!

  36. rerickson Says:

    I see through this, we see through this. Deceit is of the same sin that will bring you with us. Abaddon will greet you with a kiss and I will welcome you with open arms, deceiver.

  37. which soul do u take, i want to sell mine, 4 money n fame. how do i know that u accepted my soul

  38. I have a question if you’re 15yrs. old is it acceptable to sell your soul to ALMIGHTY GOD SATAN?

  39. Giackobe Mathlin Says:

    I Wish I could be smart and have artistic Talent

  40. Please help me join al give you evrythng u want my soul family and my siblings please any one cal me my email is nt active txt on facebook Jair abdi collo my numbers are+254729803262 if i join al be greatful to you i worshp you lucifa

  41. i need to sell my soul for money.

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