Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Packing it in, my friends

Posted in Uncategorized on August 20, 2012 by devilbloggger

Dear faithful readers, email subscribers, RSS-feeders, Twitter followers, the Temptress, and anyone else reading this–THANK YOU!

Thank you for two great years of “devilbloggging” but I’ve decided to move on to other things.  As I mentioned last year at the 1-year anniversary, Satan’s Blog was something of an experiment for me, and I committed from the beginning to one year.  Last year I decided to continue, but two years is enough.  It’s been fun.  I hope it’s been both entertaining and seriously thought-provoking.  All in all it was not a bad run.  I am pushing up against 90,000 page views, with over 2000 comments.  I have 106 subscribers (thank you to each of you!) and 102 Twitter followers (yee-hah!).

But, alas, all good things must come to an end.  I will give up the “bloggingsatan” URL, but this blog will continue to live at www.devilbloggger.wordpress.com for your reading enjoyment.  I will keep my gmail account, which is devilbloggger (at)  gmail.  (note there are 3 g’s!)

One last gasp of possibility: if any of my wonderful readers have connections in the publishing industry, and could convince a “real” publisher (as opposed to self-publishing, POD, etc.) to publish and distribute into bookstores ”The Best of Satan’s Blog” I can compile a book-length collection of the best posts.  And I might reconsider blogging.   Let me know.  Have the publisher contact me.

So long.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Welcome to Post-Constitutional America

Posted in common sense, congress, democracy, Ethics, Government, politics, secularism, Uncategorized, worldview with tags , on July 2, 2012 by devilbloggger

Sovereignty.

What a great week I’m having, my good friends.  I know you all heard that the United States Supreme Court recently ruled that the US’s “ObamaCare” is constitutional.  Right?  Did you celebrate?  So did I, my friends, so did I.  This was one time that I really thought my Supreme Reliables would let me down.  After a long history of finalegalitification of my kingdom goals, I knew (as did most others) this law to be so blatantly unconstitutional as to cause a losing setback.  But, by moi, if those trisksterific tricksters didn’t come through after all!

All is progressing well in my earthly kingdom, my servants.

I thought I would use the afterglow of this great victory to briefly let you in on how I got the Americans to a place where they let ”limited government” become just “government.”  It is an exciting story, not only because it stars moi, but also because it was so easily preventable.  And this is not primarily about the wisdom, prudence, or tragedy (take your pick) of ObamaCare.  It is ultimately a story about sovereignty squandered.

Squandered.

Do you know what it means to be “sovereign” my friends?  Yes, you probably have a good idea.  It means the ultimate “who sez” in any sphere of human involvement and interaction.  Everyone obeys an ultimate “who sez;” humans will always be subject to (and subjected to) a “who” whether they like it or not.  Families, for example, were created with a definite “who” as the ultimate “sezer.”  The sphere of employment, the military, the church, and every other social structure functions properly only when there is a definite and proper ”who” behind any “sezes.”

And what about government, my friends?  Well, let me key you in on some kingdom truths that have worked for me, my servants.

Listen up.

Remember, my friends, I started out that very first social structure by putting into that little pretty’s head one simple question: “who sez?”

And ever since my initial success under that fruit tree I have tried to ensure that every family, every church, every government, indeed, even every individual becomes divided over the issue of “who sez?”

Somebody will always rule over man’s life.

The question of government presents a particularly tricky problem for God and me (mostly God), because, of course, God and I both want to rule over man.

Yes, government (meaning the “state” or other municipal or national leaders to order society) has a proper place in the affairs of men.   But I know that the “proper place” is extremely difficult in a world of passionate human beings who love to lord over other human beings.  And I manipulate this difficulty to my advantage.

In fact, as you know from history, I actually experience little difficulty in eventually devolving every form of human government into some form of tyranny.

Kings, princes, rulers.  All eventually succumb to a sinful world’s demands to enforce tyranny, even if for supposedly noble purposes.

But tyranny nonetheless.

It’s a beautiful thing.

That’s why, my servants, I must confess that the American Experiment scared the . . . , well, the heck out of moi.

Yes, the living heck.

Do you know why?

If you are an American, you should.  But I bet you don’t.

I’ll tell you, even though even now it makes me shiver.

Those Americans served up a double whammy.  First, their Experiment was founded on a Biblical worldview.  That is to say, America was founded by and  among a people that largely believed in a true, transcendent, living God.  In time this foundation upheld what could be fairly described as a Christian nation.

Blechhhhh!

Now, that first whammyfier is an undeniable truth that is often denied today.  But there can be no question that America was, at one time, a “Christian nation” in the sense that its traditions and culture, including its laws and government, were informed by a Biblical worldview.

Let the deniers deny.  I’ll soon set them down.

But it’s the second whammyfier that sent my kingdom into spasms of anguish.  You see, the American Founding Fathers knew that sovereignty must rest in someone.  Someone must be the ultimate “who sez?”

And do you know who America’s Founding Fathers made the ultimate “who sez?”

Think.

No, it was not God.

But in the case of the Americans it was the next most destructive thing, though.

Here it is.  This is key to understanding both the early success of America, and its now-sure demise:  the Founding Fathers structured their new government such that sovereignty rested with the people.

A free people!

Yes, the American Constitution set the governing law for a nation of free men living under a very limited federal government.  The American Constitution sets forth specific things the federal government was permitted to do.  Outside of these few enumerated powers, the federal government was to let a free people live free.

Government officials were to be servants of the people.

Even today, government officials are still called civil servants.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, that one always makes me chuckle.

Now, pay attention.  I see some of you only half paying attention.  Listen up.

American liberals today fail to understand a fundamental truth that their Founding Fathers knew: a government where sovereignty rests in the people only works where the people can govern themselves under an inner morality and virtue.

Yes, my liberals predictably deny that religion and virtue (the two only go together for Biblical-based religions, which is the case in early America) are a necessary ingredient for freedom and liberty.  But both experience and the Founding Fathers (many of whom were not flaming fundamentalist Christians) weigh in (as usual) against present-day liberals:

Consider George Washington: “Religion and morality are the essential pillars of civil society.”

Consider Benjamin Franklin: “[O]nly a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.”

Consider Thomas Jefferson: “No government can continue good but under the control of the people; and . . . . their minds are to be informed by education what is right and what wrong; to be encouraged in habits of virtue and to be deterred from those of vice . . . . These are the inculcations necessary to render the people a sure basis for the structure and order of government.”

Religion? Virtue? Right and wrong?

Blechhhhh!

Now to the fun part, my servants.

I knew that to destroy America I had to undermine both of the whammyfications: the moral base of a Christian nation, and the sovereignty of a free people.

It was not easy, but we are almost there.

And, as you probably know, I used the one check and balance of limited government that was best suited to manipulation: the judiciary.

Over time I ensured that the very Constitution that was originally formed to order a free, moral people, was used to shackle and demoralize (in the truest sense of the word).

Prayer in schools, gone.  Teaching the scientific evidence of true creation in public schools, gone.  Dignity of life, liberty and happiness itself at the most vulnerable point of all three, gone–snipped as easily as the snip, snip, snip of a doctor-like person’s legally protected immoral, un-virtuous, corrupted practice permitted not by the people, but by the Court.

Oh, how I love the US court system.

Demoralizing people to render them largely without transcendent, meaningful moral compasses was the first step in destroying America.

But I did it; I nullified the first whammification and in less than two generations transformed America into a ”post-Christian” nation.

Thank you.

Now for the second whammification.

Remember, everyone will be ruled by someone.  Either a man will be ruled by the mandates of a conscience informed by God, or he will be ruled by the mandates of another man.

Mandates?  Did I day mandates?

How convenient!

Yes, my servants, every living man (which includes those on earth and elsewhere) lives by mandates.  The mandates are either internally imposed from a free man’s heart to live in peace and tranquilly according to God’s law, or they will be externally imposed from another man on earth.

To get free Americans to bow under the mandates of other men outside the constitutionally enumerated powers of government was a little more difficult and time-consuming.  But I did it by slowly changing society’s notions of “fairness” and “justice.”  You see, the American constitution was originally based on a notion of fairness that sees outcomes based on individual achievement of individuals playing on a level playing field of laws designed to provide the justice of equal opportunity.

Some individuals succeed.  Some fail.  Equal application of laws protect them all.  That is, the laws of the land protect the life, liberty and property (the actual meaning of happiness; look it up) of the individual against all those who would seek to take it/them.

Of course, liberals cannot have this kind of equality.  For liberals, who imagine themselves compassionate, it is equality of outcome that matters.

And equality of outcomes requires that the life, liberty or property be taken one for the good of another.

I had to transform America into a nation of makers and takers.  I had to realign the thinking of sovereign people to believe it is just that government originally formed to protect property instead confiscate property so that envious others can shamelessly mooch in the name of fairness.

Just and fair, right?

Yes, if you have my sense of justice and fairness (as well as envy, jealousy, laziness, etc.), i.e., theft from one for blissful dependence of another!

So I had to slowly transform the Constitution’s foundational premise of equal opportunity to all into a premise of guaranteeing equal results to all.

And I’ve been almost completely successful.

Don’t believe me?

ObamaCare.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But I’m ahead of myself.

ObamaCare did not happen overnight.  ObamaCare is the result of years of my effort to remove sovereignty from the people and put it into the hands of an ideologically driven ruling elite.

And I did this within the American system by slowly over time transforming an electorate that has become ignorant of the Constitution’s noble ideals of free men under God, to an electorate, a large part of which has succumbed to the post-constitutional ignoble ideas of dependent men under a ruling elite.

The siren call of a ruling elite fashioning ”fairness” in the name of “justice” is too much for some to resist.

And when the moochers vote for more and more moochies, my job is done: America has become post-constitutional because sovereignty gets de-facto transferred to a ruling elite in spite of the people.

Don’t believe me?

ObamaCare.

I’m not the first to use the term ”post-constitutional” but I’m the one responsible for it.  Mark Levin, for example, explains “post-constitutional”: It means that much of what the federal government does is not authorized by the Constitution.

Another writer uses the term to enlighten his proposition that “the U.S. Constitution poses no serious threat to our form of government.”

Get it?

I’ve successfully brought the American people to a place where the Constitution has little to do with America’s current form of governance.

As Michael Gerson put it, over time I’ve arranged that “conservatives” who usually do not like to lurch about as liberals do, tend to let liberal lurching go unchecked:

If the conservative response following every period of liberal activism is humility and continuity, then the ideological ratchet only turns leftward.

I am the racheter, my friends.

Paradoxically, because a large voting bloc votes their sovereignty to a ruling elite, this leftward racheting ensures that political power no longer resides in the hands of the American-by-idealogy electorate.

Welcome, my friends, to post-constitutional America, where a small band of un-American idealogues, lead by me and my chief beelzebud Obama, lead a large population of American idealogues who no longer have the votes for constitutional governance of free people by a limited government.

ObamaCare.

Proof of my success.  Again, as Mr. Gerson put it with respect to Chief Justice Robert’s ObamaCare opinion:

What initially seemed wise now smacks of mere cleverness — less a judge’s prudence than a lawyer’s trick. To find the health care law constitutional, Roberts reimagined it.

Judicial cleverness. Re-imagining the ruling elite’s oppression as liberty and freedom for all.

It’s what I do.

And I’m good.

I’m very good.

I’m ObamaCare good.

Welcome to post-constitutional America, my friends.  Where nothing is beyond the reach of the federal government’s mandate.  And where the federal government’s mandate can and will crush the mandates of conscience every time.

Where what theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs.

Where life, liberty, and property are no longer inalienable rights.

They have been alienated.

And I’ve succeeded in once again dividing into the Divided States of America.  This time the division is between those who believe the fundamental role of government is to apply just laws to protect life, liberty and property in the name of fairness, and those who believe the fundamental role of government is to redistribute life, liberty and property, also in the name of fairness.

In short, my Divided States of America are divided over the fundamental role of government: is government’s proper role to enforce a level playing field? Or is it to tilt the playing field?

The tilters are winning because now the ruling elite believes in redistributive fairness, and the ”who sez” is “government sez” on everything whether or not the people like it, want it, or asked for it.

Sovereignty.

Squandered.

Crime: Blame it on Heaven?

Posted in False religion, freedom, Government, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, progressives, separation of church and state, toleration, Uncategorized, worldview with tags on June 23, 2012 by devilbloggger

Crime.

It probably does not surprise you to know that I love crime.  I love lawlessness.  I love people who are lawless.  I love people who believe their actions carry no moral weight beyond their selfish ends.  I love people who believe they can flaunt the law because there is no one who can stop them, and if someone does stop them there are no negative consequences.

And I’m not talking about President Obama.  (But don’t you just love how he can explicitly flaunt the law and get away with it?  Who’s going to stop my main beelzebud???  Ha ha ha ha ha ha.  I love it!).

No, I’m talking plain old ordinary crime.

I am the author of crime, which is merely man’s name for what amounts to breaking God’s law (and, usually, his heart).

God?

What does God have to do with crime?

Well, apparently a lot according to a pleasingly misleading headline over at CBS Seattle.  The title initially baffled me: Study Finds People Who Believe in Heaven Commit More Crimes.

Vraiment?  Etes-vous sûr?

Something seemed amiss, even to moi.

So I investigated a little, and found to my great satisfaction, that my instincts were correct, and my will on Earth is lurching along just fine; it was just another example of my media slanting a story (they thought) against Christians.

No!

Yes!

You see, my servants, after the arresting title (get it?), anyone who reads the story will find a different story.  The very first line reads:

Believing if you are on a “highway to hell” could impact whether or not if you commit a crime.

What?  I thought this was about belief in Heaven (note, also, CBS’s editorial mistake of not capitalizing the name of a real place).

Well, there was a heavenly slant.  The article continues:

A study published in the scientific journal PLoS One by University of Oregon’s Azim Shariff and University of Kansas’s Mijke Rhemtulla finds that people who believe in hell are less likely to commit a crime while people who believe in heaven more likely are to get in trouble with the law.

Well, well.  Let’s think about that statement for a moment, shall we?

Go ahead, think.

I’m waiting.

Because if you think for yourself about the above statement you will be rewarded by a great insight into my almost complete success in blinding the postmodern human mind.

Oh, OK, I’ll tell you.

Note the implications of the research above: people who believe in Heaven apparently don’t believe in Hell!

How can this be?

You see?  The people who believe in Heaven commit crimes.  But if they believed in Hell, the wouldn’t.

Who are these people?

Well, let me gloat: these are my people.

You see, Christians believe in both Heaven AND Hell (or else they would not be Christians)

But there are swarms of my misguided out there who live by wishful thinking, and who are apt to believe in Heaven, but believe Hell is a myth.

Wouldn’t you?

After all, if Truth were mere merely convenient, so that it conformed to what one thought about it, all those Heaven-not-Hell’ers would be on their way to paradise–crimes and all!

But . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my.  Pardonnez-moi, mes amis.

Of course, Truth is not changed by what anyone thinks about it.  And you should see the Heaven-not-Hell’ers as they come tumbling down the chute through my wide-open gates!  Suddenly those crimes come flooding back into their  now-permanently depraved minds.

After all, Earth is the only place in the universe where there are beings who do not believe in Hell.

But no one stays on Earth forever.

So, of course, just like belief in God, everyone eventually believes in Hell.

So, my servants, let’s keep this study quiet.  After all, if governments and societies were led by smart and wise people, they would once again teach little chillens the truth about Hell.  And if that happened I would see many fewer startled faces tumbling into my kingdom.  The study authors, in fact, “believe that the study raises “important questions about the potential impact of religious beliefs on global crime.”

Yes, it does.

Shhhhh!

Josh McDowell: Satan’s No. 1 Threat?

Posted in pornography, Uncategorized with tags on May 27, 2012 by devilbloggger

Threat.

My servants, yesterday I read some of the worst news I’ve seen in a long time.  All is not well in Satan’s kingdom, my friends.  As much success as I’ve achieved leading the world down the path of godlessness in a great big, devil-shaped handbasket (thank you very much), there are still pockets of potentially kingdom-defeating activities.  Some Christians just won’t give up.

And some Christians are, unfortunately, focusing their efforts at just the right targets.

And I’m concerned.  So concerned, my friends, that based on the news I will relate below, I’m issuing a Level 3 devilbloggger Alert, signifying a clear and present danger to my kingdom’s goals, and ministry activity which must be quashed.

I’m referring to a recent story in the Christian Post entitled, “Josh McDowell Launches Website to Fight Porn, ‘Church’s No. 1 Threat’.”

Do you know who Josh McDowell is?

No?

Good.

I’ll tell you, but you must promise me that you will not publicize his name or his ministry, and particularly not his most recent attempt at destroying my kingdom by preventing people from merely enjoying other people the way God made them.

Josh McDowell is an “apologist” which means that he goes about defending the Christian faith as he gives people reasons to believe in God, and his son Jesus Christ.  (Blechhhh!)

And he is very successful.  I know, because I watch daily has his ministry is responsible for snatching person after person from my kingdom in dramatic rescue operations involving persuasive reasoning.  Josh has been one of our Enemies No. 1 for many, many years.  Whatever you do, do not go to his website.  You will see that is full of rescue equipment that is best left idle.

But now he has gone a snatch too far.  You see, Mr. McDowell has launched a new website to raise awareness about online pornography which he says “is a problem big enough to cause the downfall of the church.”

Ouch!

This is going to hurt, my servants.  You see, for years I’ve been slowly drawing more and more people (men, mostly) into the destructively beautiful world of pornography.  And since I finally gained wide, private access into virtually every Christian man’s mind through the internet, I’ve succeeded in getting over half of men who call themselves Christians hooked on my deadly delights.

Pornography: it’s a beautiful thing, so to speak.

After all, what’s wrong with enjoying God’s creation in its most natural form?

And I’ve convinced every man who calls himself a Christian that his private excursions into my pornoland are harmless.  After all, if only he had a wife that met his needs, he wouldn’t need to supplement his selfish carnality behind his computer screen turned just so.

And for years I’ve used the harmless, ”victimless”, expressions of God’s beauty to destroy marriages, break up families, drive men to poverty, and generally cause havoc in modern society.

It’s what I do.

And I do it well.

God’s beauty turned against him.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But this McDowell character has me worried.  He is the first major Christian apologist to come out with the recognition that pornography is the “church’s number one threat.”

Mr. McDowell is quoted:

The downfall of the church will not come from a lack of apologetic teaching; it will come from disintegration of the families in the church.

And he’s right.

He continued:

The greatest threat to the cause of Christ is pervasive sexuality and pornography. … Today we have, by and large, lost control of the controls because an intrusive immorality is just one click away from our children. With just one keystroke on a smartphone, iPad, or laptop, a child can open up some of the worst pornography and sexually graphic content you can imagine. There’s never been such access in history.

Too right for comfort.

The only thing he forgot was to give moi credit for this great feat of history.

Well, not the only thing.  He also forgot that in addition to hard porn that is just 1 click away, I’ve filled the TV screens of virtually home the world over with “sexually graphic” soft porn.  Almost every “sitcom” these days is filled with visual porn as well as sexual-laced “jokes”.

Children just eat that stuff up.  And parents who call themselves Christian sit by as the mealtime custodians.

If you don’t think prime time “family” viewing is soft porn, then I’ve doubly done my job.

Thank you.  I know, I’m good.

And on top of the earthly destruction I cause, let’s not forget the best part.  You see, pornography in both its hard and soft TV form sadden the heart of God.

But Mr. McDowell?  He must be stopped.  And I will tell you how, but this is a techniques that will only work for my most trusted servants.

What I’m going to instruct my servants to do next is only to be done by the most hardened and experienced among you.  If you waver at all on the truth, DO NOT do what I’m going to instruct you.

Here it is: go to Mr. McDowell’s website Just1ClickAway.org, and familiarize yourself with his major points (e.g., every second 30,000 people are viewing pornography), his main facts (e.g., pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate more than 300%), and other statements (e.g., in 56% of divorce cases, one party had an obsessive interest in porn sites).

Then, after you understand what he is saying, do what I do and go about to all your friends and acquaintances and spread lies to refute his points.  Make sure you try to make the argument about “free expression” of ideas, or about “privacy,” or about “victimless” activities.  Those usually work.

But please, my servants, we cannot let the truth be effectively communicated by the likes of Mr. McDowell.

If he is even mildly successful my kingdom will take a major hit.

Now, I need to go.  I see there is coming through the gates another person who called himself a Christian on earth while he enjoyed the nightglow of “free” carnality.

Free?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Coming Soon: A New Author to Satan’s Blog

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25, 2012 by devilbloggger

Watch.

Soon, my friends, you will see something never before seen on earth: a new author to Satan’s Blog.  Yes, it’s true, my servants; after years of solo blogging I’ve decided to let one of my most trusted associates have author privileges.

Let me explain.  You must know that my work is never done, after all, I’m in all the details.  I have a limited time to wreak havoc in all the details on earth, and although I’m succeeding beyond my wildest nightmares, I need to do more.  I need to make sure that the economies of Europe continue to fail by embracing my pathologies, that my beelzebud gets reelected in the United States, that those dang home churches would be persecuted to oblivion in China, and that massacring thugs (and famine) would stop the lightning speed spread of Christianity (Blechhh!) in Africa.

And there is no shortage of demons willing to write.  But, just between you and me, trust is in short supply down here.  I suspect that most of my demons, if they could, would use this blog to beg God for mercy, ask for a drop of water on their tongues, and generally embarrass me and my kingdom.

But there is one demon I trust to blog, and she goes by the name “temptress”.  Temptress will be posting soon and often to Satan’s Blog for your enjoyment.

Oh, and I’m not going anywhere.

As long as I can type and get my hotmail I will faithfully deliver my thoughts, opinions, and general assessment of my kingdom activities on earth.

But now you will get an additional viewpoint from Hell.

Temptress, my friends.

Enjoy.

Watch.

How would you respond to Marina?

Posted in christians, Devil, False religion, Uncategorized on May 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Friends, take a break for a few minutes and consider an interesting thread unfolding over on the “Ask Satan” page (link in right side bar).

A good soul going by the name of “Marina” has asked some honest inquiring questions, and some other good souls have been doing an unfortunately effective job at answering her.

I wonder how others would respond.

Some history:

On May 16, Marina began with lamenting:

“. . . I have to go to a christian church because of my parents and when i go in i feel like the place is so unholy and dirty and i feel like i am in danger.  i want to know if there is a way to block this feeling because i think that it will get stronger until it is unbearable.  I also wanted to know how to deal with my parents talking about god all the time it makes me sick to the stomach.  I am so tired of christians i feel like they suck out my energy and make me feel sick.  I hope you come back soon if this website is real which i hope it is because really the christian situation is getting out of hand.  Thank you Father for always being there for me.”

I (moi) answered her:

This website is real, and it’s not silly (Note: Marina had questioned the reality of this site, and wondered if it was “silly”).  You should read ALL the posts and pass it along to all your friends.  And, yes, you are in danger going to a Christian church.  If it is a church that preaches the gospel (blechhhh!), then you are in danger of hearing the gospel and being rescued from my kingdom.  I suggest you listen very closely to what is preached and see if you can detect the gospel.  Listen with your ears and your heart.  If you hear the gospel, let me know.  I will give you additional instructions.

After Marina informed me that she is forced to attend an “evangelical” church, I responded:

Evangelical churches are some of the worst. Do they preach that Jesus died for YOU? Do they preach that Jesus paid the price for YOUR sin and that if you believe in faith that he was raised from the dead you will be saved? If so, you are in real danger of escaping my captivity. So here is what I want you to do. Tell me in your own words what you believe to be the “gospel”. And tell me if when you understand what Jesus did for you on the cross you feel a tug at your heart that wants to respond in grateful acceptance of his free gift of eternal life. If that happens, you are very close to the precipice of abundant and eternal life. Please report back to me soon.

Others chimed in, including “mazsamen”:

marina~of course Satan comes here, dear.  He’s everywhere people are.  He’s always looking for converts.  He wants your eternal soul…just like the other side (God) wants your eternal soul.  Take the good advice of DB, as we affectionately call devilblogger here.  Stay in touch.  We like to hell-p.  hahaha.

Mazsamen has held an admirable dialog with Marina, treating Marina’s honest inquiries and blunt opinions of Christianity with tender wisdom (which I hate!).

And, indeed, others DID like to hell-p (I like that!).   In particular, Shalimamma left an unfortunately excellent post today.

You can read the entire chain over at “Ask Satan” (you may need to scroll several pages to get to marina’s original post).

As most of you know, I (moi) oppose all true and wise knowledge of God on earth, and continue to roam about the earth seeking whom I might devour through false philosophies and vain deceit.  I often use the “church” turn off young people, and it seems I may be successful with Marina, who has fallen captive to some of my greatest lies.

I’m curious.  How would others respond to Marina, a true, honest seeker who has some real problems with Christianity?  Use the comment section below to respond.  To make your response more effective, consider first copying the specific statement of Marina’s to which you are responding.

Enjoy!

Celebrate! 100 Email Subscribers to Satan’s Blog

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2012 by devilbloggger

Subscribe.

My friends and servants, we have reached a milestone in Satan’s Blog.  Some nice person yesterday became the 100th email subscriber to this blog.

Thank you all!  If you are not signed up to get the first posts, complete with occasional (OK, more than occasional) pre-corrected mistakes, you should do so now.  You know, the posts with mistakes are likely to be valuable in the future as collector’s items.  You should be getting them and keeping them.

Thanks again, to all 100 of you!

devilbloggger.

Satan’s Travel Guide–Staying Out of Travel Hell

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on April 11, 2012 by devilbloggger

You know, my servants, that I generally lie, cheat, and steal and exhort my followers to do the same.  Rarely will you find my work more clearly on display than when you are traveling.  It seems particularly that my stealers tend to find travelers easy prey.

Having just roamed to and fro internationally about the earth myself over the last two weeks, I observed first-hand how vacations and holidays can be ruined by my servants on earth.  A stolen passport, a picked pocket, a swiped camera, a snatched purse — these are all the work of my hands.  I’m quite proud that I’ve made Travel Hell for many people.

But it occurred to me this trip that very often it is my servants who are the targets of my handiwork.  That is, just like God’s goodness, my badness falls on the just and the unjust alike.  As I pondered this strange, unintended consequence, I realized that maybe I should clue you, my friends and good servants, into some easy Travel Tips to minimize the chance that you become the victim of my success on earth.

Therefore, I offer, in no particular order, 10 of my best Travel Tips below.  Now remember, this is kingdom knowledge not to be shared with Christians: I want to make the lives of Christians miserable.

“10 Tips to Hell-Free Travel,” is pure kingdom knowledge just for non-Christians and all who please me (which, happily, includes some Christians).  Treat this confidentially.

10 Tips For Hell-Free Travel

Email yourself scanned copies of all important travel documents, including your passport (the page with your picture), your travel itinerary, ticket information, etc.  If you lose any of these items you can retrieve them from any web-connected computer.  A copy of your passport can greatly speed up the replacement process.

Divide up and pack essential medicines in two or more bags, one of which must be your carry on, if flying.  If you have prescription meds, make sure you have enough for your trip in at least two bags so if one gets lost you are not without your medicines.

Pack several empty plastic bags.  Plastic bags, including grocery-type bags and the “zip lock” type of small sandwich bags take up almost no space and weigh almost nothing, but will come in handy for all kinds of things.  If you end up with wet or dirty clothes, just stick them in a bag.  Want to save that breakfast croissant?  Just seal it up in a bag.  Saving sand from the beach?  In the bag.

Pack away lots of small, virtually weightless items such as tape (enough duct tape, for example, to fix a large tear in luggage), string, pins, paper clips, rubber bands, bandages (e.g., Band-Aids), lip balm, ear plugs, etc.  These items are nothing to pack and carry, but if you need one, nothing else will do.

Save every piece of paper you receive from various people, especially from customs officials.  The documents you fill out and get stamped when you come into a country will probably be necessary when you leave.  So keep all papers, including receipts and boarding passes.  Small pieces of paper are easy to keep and you never know when one of them will be a life saver.

Get and keep a business card from your hotel or place of lodging with you at all times while you are staying at that place.  Then, if you get lost or need to take a taxi back you need only show the card for the correct address.  If you have children, give a card to each of your children and teach them to keep it with them.  If they get separated or lost, they need only give the card to police or other authorities to be returned to the hotel.

Have a single, consistent place to keep all valuables such as your passport, wallet, money, etc., and religiously put and keep these items there.  I know that “fanny packs” are failures as fashion statements, but they are ideal for this purpose.  The key is to be consistent so that you never have to wonder where your important documents are.

Upload digital pictures daily or often.  Email them to yourself, or use an online photo service.  Then, if one of my servants steals your camera you won’t lose your pictures.

Have a plan when traveling with others for if you get separated.  This is especially important for children, and for anyone taking busses or subways.  For example, instruct children that if ever part of the group makes a subway but part gets left behind, the part that made it will get off at the immediate next stop, and the part left behind is to do the same thing with the next train.

When in public areas with high probabilities of theft, pick pockets, and other of my delights, don’t look like a tourist.  When leaving subway cars, walk purposefully and follow the crowd.  That is, don’t stop and look around bewildered, but keep walking.  Figure out where you are as you walk and observe signs.  If you need to look at a map, do it in a safer, less conspicuous location.

Now, my friends, what travel tips can you provide?  Use the comments section to pass on any valuable tips you have learned.

Bon voyage!

Coming Up: Satan’s Travel Guide

Posted in Uncategorized on April 6, 2012 by devilbloggger

My friends, you know I’m on holiday, which is rare for me, but I do find I need to get away from time to time to see how my servants are faring, particularly in making travel, well … Hell.  I’m not back in the office yet, but I realized that I can do you all a favor by helping you, my good servants, avoid some of the Hell Holes of Travel that I created primarily to make travel miserable for Christians and those who hate evil.

So for the rest of you (including some Christians who don’t hate evil), I feel I must help you avoid many of the risks and dangers of travel, particularly international travel.  I, devilbloggger (moi), have traveled and lived all over the world, and I will soon impart some of my tried and true travel tips to minimize the chance of a ruined vacation.

Remember, these tips are not for Christians.  I want them to experience the maximum of stealing and destroying often experienced by unwary and inexperienced travelers.  This way I can continue to ruin their holidays, vacations, and, best of all, mission trips.

Stay tuned!

Out of the “office” for a while.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2012 by devilbloggger

Vacation!

Dear friends, and I mean YOU!  Pardon the possible delay, but I, moi, will be away from mission control for about 10 days.  But always fear, for I will be back.  And, if I can find internet connection in the nether parts of my kingdom, I just might be back before I’m back.

Be back.

Be sure.

Be.

No, really, your soul is already “sould”!

Posted in christians, Devil, Original Sin, theology, Truth, Uncategorized with tags , on March 23, 2012 by devilbloggger

Selling. Souls.

My friends, for some reason many people believe I have some kind of magical power over humans, especially in the area of granting fortune and fame to those who sell themselves out to me.  As Wikipedia notes, it seems that a “deal with the Devil, pact with the Devil, or a Faustian bargain is a cultural motif widespread in the West.”  In general, the notion is that a person can offer his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favors.

Favors?

You really want my favor?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Apparently some do.

Thus, about a year ago I received a question on my “Ask Satan” page from someone named Simon who wanted to know how he goes about selling his soul to me.  I answered it, I thought, in a post about a year ago entitled, Sell your soul to me?  Uh, it’s already sold my friend.

I thought.

But I continue to get inquiries, including this one just last week in the comments section of the very post that answered Simon:

“i want to sell my soul how i doin that now can some one help me.”

Then, just yesterday, also in the comments section of the post answering Simon, I got the following request:

“Satan i wanna join you,make md rich and famous.”

Do these people not read??  (Of course, it appears not, based on the fact that they can barely write).

So, once again, at the risk of divulging kingdom secrets, let me elaborate on the following, which I explained to Simon:

While I appreciate your interest, Simon, in fact no sale of your soul to me is necessary because unless you have escaped my captivity by the blood of Christ I already own your soul.

You see, my faithful servants, the very idea of “selling your soul” is misplaced.  Your soul is already sold!

Your soul is already mine!

Why should I pay you with fortune, fame, or any other goodie when I already have your soul?

The only option for you at this time, my servants, is to have your soul redeemed!

Blechhhh!

The very thought.

But let me continue.

Pay attention, my servants, and you will be pleased to know that you need not appeal to me any longer to “sell your soul” to me.  You can rest in peace (let’s hope) in the knowledge that by your very nature as a human being you already belong to me.

There was a time when the earth was inhabited by innocent human beings.  I marveled at these creatures who were unlike any ever created.  They were not mere animals.  They were not angels.  They were not God.

But these walking, talking creations had one attribute that practically drove me mad: they were made in the image of God.

The image of God!  That’s what I wanted!

I tried to set myself up in the image of God and got punished with eternal damnation.  And here were human beings that were made from the git-go in that very image.

I set out to destroy them with the only power granted to me–the power to lie, cheat, and steal by deceiving temptationistification.

And temtationsitificate I did.

There were only two of them.

So I had to act fast.

And I did.

And the only thing God did not create entered the world shortly thereafter: sin.

Now, you are asking yourself, what does that have to do with selling your soul?

Glad you asked.

That wonderful day in the garden I succeeded in tempting the first humans to sin, particularly that man, Adam.  And just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all men, because all have sinned.

Get it?

Sin entered into the human race through that one disobedient man.

Every person on earth born of the seed of man is born a sinner.

Am I good or what?

You are a not a sinner because you sin; you sin because you are a sinner.

That is, you are born mine!  I already own your soul by virtue of your being born of the seed of your father.

I am good.

The only human not born mine is one not born of the seed of man.

And that’s happened only once.

Blechhhh!

You see, then, you can relax.  You are mine.  And as such, my job now is merely to ensure that you do not ever understand that there is, in fact, someone who wishes to buy your soul.

Yes, there is a redeemer, one in whom you can have your soul redeemed through his blood, for the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Blechhh!

Blechhh!

There you have it, my friends.  If I say any more I risk losing you to true riches.

As it is, I enjoy keeping you captive to my riches.

Feel rich?

Yes, you do.

Now move along.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What?    I’m not good?

Easter?

Oh yeah.  That.

Thank you to all my new email followers!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Just a quick note to say thanks to all of you who recently (and not so recently!) signed up for email delivery of posts.  (Right side bar, scroll down a bit).  I appreciate EVERY one of you and will try to never disappoint.

Coming up: I received another request for someone wanting to sell their soul.  So it appears that I will need to revisit my answer to this question on the “Ask Satan” page.  Some people apparently just don’t get it.

Hoo boy.

Atheists make for mad scientists

Posted in agnostics, atheism, atheists, Darwinism, False religion, God, religion, science, Truth, Uncategorized, worldview with tags , , on February 25, 2012 by devilbloggger

Mad Scientists.

Do you know how to make a scientist mad?  Try this some time.  Go up to a scientist and say that you believe the natural evidence of creation supports a scientific inference of a creator.  That is, explain that the abundant evidence of design in the universe and the world around you naturally leads you to believe there might be an intelligent designer.  Unless you happen to find one who practices the scientific method objectively, you will succeed in provoking the wrath of certainty from a dogmatic person who will lecture you on the difference between “science” and “religion”.

You will, in fact, create a mad scientist.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my servants, let me tell you one of my greatest kingdom secrets.  I’ve succeeded in making “science” the new world religion by carefully cultivating the discipline of science and the persona of scientists as being “objective” arbiters of truth.  Bias free, contemplating, rational minds inside humble bodies supporting white lab coats, dutifully doling out truth to the masses.

And my real triumph?  I’ve changed the definition of “truth” so that in effect, the only truth permitted by ”science” and the new scientists must be, by definition, atheistic.

You don’t believe me?  Then you have never tried to make a mad scientist.

Try it.  You will see.  And then do your own research into what “science” is today, and you will find that the new paradigm is that “science” must posit only “natural” explanations for natural phenomena.

And God is not natural.

So science today is forced by the elite establishments of academia to be unnaturally atheistic regardless of the evidence.

Period.

Did you know, my friends, that over 85% of the members of the United State’s National Academy of Sciences are atheists?  And the atheists wonder openly how the other 15% got in.

Now you know why.

Please keep this information confidential; if this kingdom knowledge ever gets out my agenda could be set back to the days when God-believing scientists like Nicholas Copernicus, Sir Francis Bacon, Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Blaise Pascal, Isaac Newton, Robert Boyle, Michael Faraday, Gregor Mendel, William Thomson Kelvin, Max Planck, and Albert Einstein made ground-breaking scientific gains while openly practicing a belief in God.

Let me illustrate my great success on earth with a news article that caught my eye today.  The Telegraph reports, in an article by John Bingham entitled, “Richard Dawkins: I can’t be sure God does not exist,” on a dialog at Oxford University during which Dawkins admitted to Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams,  ”that he preferred to call himself an agnostic rather than an atheist.”

What??

Richard Dawkins, one of my premeire beelze-buds, is as this article states, “regarded as the most famous atheist in the world.”

And now he’s “agnostic”?

Now, my friends, you know if you read this blog that I, like God, believe atheists to be fools.

There are no atheists in Hell.

But agnostics!  That’s a different story.  There are also no agnostics in Hell, but true agnostics on earth often never get here.

But after reading the article, I realize Richard Dawkins is as atheistic as he always was, which is to say, that like all those who profess to be atheists, he is merely an arrogant coward who refuse to face the evident truth of nature.  (I just hope Dawkins never realizes that he can be sure God does exist.)

But atheists do help further my kingdom on earth, so I find them useful fools (and, usually quite stupid on top of that!).

Let me explain, using Dawkins as Fool in Chief.

In attempting to sound intelligent, Dawkins, according to The Telegraph article, stated to the Archbishop:

“What I can’t understand is why you can’t see the extraordinary beauty of the idea that life started from nothing – that is such a staggering, elegant, beautiful thing, why would you want to clutter it up with something so messy as a God?”

Now, my servants, read that quote more carefully (I know many of you skip over quotes).  Think about what Servant Fool Dawkins said, and learn.

The idea that life started from nothing . . . why clutter it up with God?

That, my friends, is not a scientific observation; it is a statement of faith.

The idea that anything can come from nothing is antithetical to all of science.  A true scientist would never make such a statement.  Whether “life” (as Dawkins says), or any element of matter in the universe (as Dawkins believes), science is quite clear that nothing comes from nothing.

If ever there was truly “nothing” there would still be nothing today.

That’s science.

On the contrary, Dawkin’s statement is a statement of faith.  He is expressing the necessary faith of every atheist (although most are, frankly, not intelligent enough to grasp it): In the beginning there was nothing, and then “poof” out of nothing, came something.

It is scientific nonsense, but it makes perfect sense to atheists like Dawkins.

Here’s another secret, my friends: everyone believes something unbelievable.

Either something (the universe) just appeared like magic out of nothing (an unscientific thought, but held by Dawkins), or something was created by God.

Which statement is more scientifically valid?

Yes, you are right: God.

Because science says everything that came to be must have been caused.

Aristotle, a true scientist, decided there must be an Uncaused Cause.  And he was right.

Every thinking human not hindered by a philosophical bias comes to the same conclusion as Aristotle; the evidence demands it.

But not all humans are like Aristotle.  In fact, in today’s agenda-driven, philosophically constrained philosophical environment, humans who wish to be prominent, published, scientists must first express allegiance to practical atheism before they practice science.

Human => atheist => scientist is the progression I’ve arranged on earth.  Humans like Dawkins are, as shown by his statement above, atheists second, and scientists third.  Very simply, their “science” (something can come from nothing) is dictated not by the evidence, but by their atheism.

Human => scientist => atheist is impossible.  Humans who are scientists first, observing the evidence of creation and making natural, rational inferences, can never be atheists.

Which goes to show my great ability on earth, don’t you think?

And if you try to point out the atheist’s philosophical bias they get mad.  They lecture you on your ignorance of “science” and sue you for violating separation of Christianity and state, and deny you tenure, and call you names, and start blogs about you, and sit in their circle of atheist jerks and make each other feel good.

It’s a beautiful thing, really.

Now send Mr. Dawkins a thank you note for me, will you?

He’s a doll.

Can’t wait to meet him.

And those like him.

Mad scientists all, when they come rolling in my gates.

Something from nothing.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Madness, pure madness.

Not another dang statue of Jesus!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on January 28, 2012 by devilbloggger

Statues.

What is it with the statues of Jesus?  I thought the world was over statues of this guy. After all, aren’t big Jesus statues tacky?  Even God thinks so, I thought.  But first Brazil, then Peru, and now, London??  Yes, apparently so, according to today’s news story: 30ft Rio-style statue plan for Primrose Hill to mark end of Olympics.

Really?  Jesus looking over the Olympics?

This is no good, my servants.  In fact, I’m issuing a Level 3 devilbloggger Alert on this one.  A Level 3 devilbloggger Alert is issued for events that have the potential to greatly hinder my kingdom’s goals, events which must, therefore,  must be stopped.

According to the article:

The scheme, which is yet to go before the Town Hall’s planning department, is to be funded by the Brazilian government to celebrate the end of the London 2012 Olympics and mark the moment the city of Rio takes on the Olympic mantle for the 2016 Games.

Scheme is right; this is not good, my servants.

I’ll tell you why.

I’ve succeeded in making the Olympics one of the most carnal, sexualized events on earth.  During the day it’s all smiles and sports, lots of playing going on.  During the night it’s all sporting seductive smiles, and, lots more playing going on.

Do you know how many condoms were passed out in Vancouver in 2010?

No, more.

No, still more.

Right! 100,000.

One hundred thousand condoms stocked in Vancouver.  And they ran out.

Olympic Village has become a cesspool of sin, mirroring in compressed, micro form the macro-state of modern society.

I am winning.  According to ESPN, “sex and the olympics go hand in hand.”

So what’s the deal with a Big Jesus watching over the London Olympics?  What hand does he have in such a place?

Someone please stop this.

Because idols made of stone hold absolutely no power, but for some reason a statue of Jesus still irks the he… well, the heck out of me.

Why not a 30 foot statue of me?  That would be more appropriate for the Olympics.

Olympics and I are hand in hand, why not leave bad enough alone?

Silent Night? Holy Fright!

Posted in Uncategorized on December 24, 2011 by devilbloggger

The First Christmas According to Satan (Part II)

Gabriel’s message allowed us to focus our efforts on one person: the baby in Mary’s womb.  My task: to kill this child.  So in those days I caused Caesar Augustus to disrupt Mary’s life by requiring that at the height of her pregnancy she and Joseph be forced to travel to Joseph’s hometown for a census.

I was a little nervous because Joseph’s hometown was Bethlehem the town of David.  I knew the significance of Bethlehem, but I was hopeful that the rough donkey ride from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea might fatally disrupt this strange birth. 

Unfortunately they made it to Bethlehem.  What to do now? I thought frantically.  If only Mary lived in modern times she would no doubt be pressured into a safe abortion.  But abortions were not yet every already-born woman’s right back then, and even with the embarrassing story about being a virgin, the thought never crossed Mary’s mind. 

Once the two trouble makers were in Bethlehem, I conveniently ensured that there were no rooms available in any inns.  We were all quite delighted to see Mary in pain and Joseph suffering in a cold, dirty barn full of animals.  Surely here I might find conditions suitable for my purposes, especially with very confused and unprepared Joseph. 

But no sooner had we gathered to celebrate my success than in the dark of the night we heard the first cries ever from the mouth of a sinless baby.  Imagine! Never had a sinless baby taken a breath on this earth.  And now the sounds of his cry sent pangs of fear up and down Hell as Mary lovingly wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a nearby manger.

Now our task was to keep this event quiet.  We began planning how to ensure that no one else knew about God’s work.  Our plan was that Joseph and Mary, both living with the stigma of an out of wedlock birth, would go live quietly among their people. 

Then to our chagrin we were shocked as the sky split with angel of the Lord hovering over a nearby field, shining a great light about the whole area.  What is this? we asked among ourselves.  It appeared the angel had something to do with Jesus, but as we checked we found no one near but some shepherds, watching their flocks by night. 

What would an angel have to do with lowly shepherds; who cares what they think? We instinctively moved closer, and to our horror we heard the angel’s awful voice boom out our worst nightmare: 

“Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  

Good news? Not for us!  And it got worse: 

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.” 

So much for our plans to keep this low key.  But surely they would never find Jesus in the barn where we stuck him.  But we were outsmarted again, as the angel continued: 

“This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 

No! No! What else could go wrong?  Things were going from bad to worse when suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 

 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
   and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

 We covered our ears and turned our heads until the angels had left them and gone into heaven. 

We were still dizzy with confusion and anguish when we overheard the shepherds say to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” 

So we watched in dismay as they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.  

And do you know what those meddling shepherds did?  When they had seen Jesus, they went out and spread the word concerning what had been told them about the child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 

My servants, that first Christmas morn must honestly be chalked up as a defeat for me and my kingdom.  It still makes me sick to thing how close we came, and to think how if we had been successful how different history would turn out.  

After we tried to disrupt the infant Jesus at birth, we tried to have 2-year old Jesus killed by Herod, we tried to get 12-year old Jesus lost and separated from his family, and we tried multiple times to have the adult Jesus stoned. 

We finally succeeded in killing Jesus, of course.  More on that later. 

But for now, my servants, just be glad that at least I’ve successfully blunted most of the efforts as modern day shepherds and other meddlers from spreading the word.  And we’ve sensitized people to the angel’s words so that few are amazed anymore.  And we’ve politicized the religiously cultural aspects of Christmas. 

But, oh, if we could only have stopped that first sinless baby.

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